It's The Crazy Gundam Wing Christmas Album!
by Grinning Reaper
Summary: It's All in the title!! Yaoi content and... RELENA BASHING!!! Yeessssss!


Disclaimer: Once I achieve conquering the world, I will own everything MWAHAHAHAHA!!! But for now, some rich-assed guy in Japan owns Gundam Wing. So I don't... *pouts*  
  
Oh, and ggod replies are appreitiated and flames will be used to boil water to make green tea, which will in turn be used to write another fic. YOU CAN'T STOP ME! MWAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Grinning Reaper: Hiya folks!! I'm here with my good ol' friends the Gundam boys and I talked them into doing a Christmas album an' guess what? Out first song is by none other than HEEEEEROOOOOOOO!!! *Heero pulls gun*  
  
Heero: Relena?!?!? WHERE RELENEA??? WHERE?? *Shoots wildly at wall* DIE YOU CRAZY BITCH!!!!!!!  
  
Duo: Take it easy Hee-kun. Relena's not here.  
  
Heero: *Relaxes*  
  
Grinning Reaper: Uhm... now might not be a good time to tell you that you need t' sing...  
  
Heero: Ome o koroso.  
  
Grinning Reaper: *Glomps Heero* Aww! I wuv you too Hee-bear!  
  
Heero: Don't call me that.  
  
Grinning Reaper: *smirks* Ya don't seem to mind that much when Quat-chibi calls you that...  
  
Heero & Quatre: O.o;;  
  
Grinning Reaper: Yup I know he's your lil' fuck bunny! I also know about the time you guys-  
  
Heero: CUT TO THE SONG!!  
  
  
  
A Heero Kinda Christmas (sung to the tune of 'Jingle Bells')  
  
  
  
Duo & Trowa: Jingle bells, hand gun shells, Heero's on the run! He thought killin' Relena would be lotsa fun! (Repeat)  
  
Heero: A day or two ago,  
  
Duo: Ding! Ding!  
  
Heero: I thought I'd take a ride  
  
Duo: Ding! Ding!  
  
Heero: And soon miss Peacecraft  
  
Duo: Ding- *Gets hit in the head by Trowa's flute* OWW!  
  
Heero: Was seated by my side!  
  
She would not shut up!  
  
Misfortune seemed her lot!  
  
So I whipped out my shiny gun  
  
An' then her ASS GOT SHOT!!  
  
Duo & Trowa: Jingle bells, Hand gun shells, Heero's on the run! He thought killin' Relena would be lotsa fun! *Repeat*  
  
Heero: *speaking* Now I'll tell you what I did with her body! (Sung to the tune of 'Deck the Halls')  
  
Deck the Halls with gasoline! Fa la la la la la la la la!  
  
Don't forget the kerosene! Fa la la la la la la la la!  
  
All that's left is smoke an' ashes! Fa la la la la la la la la!  
  
It's fun as hell to play with matches! Fa la la la la la la la LA!  
  
*Sirens in back round*  
  
Duo: I think that's you cue to go Hee-chan.  
  
Relena: *offstage* HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Trowa: Nope. THAT is!  
  
Heero: Aw man! I thought she was DEAD!! What is she? Like a cyborg or something?!  
  
Grinning Reaper: Hmm... that gives me a new idea for a fan fic!!  
  
Heero: Forget I mentioned it. *Runs away*  
  
Grinning Reaper: Who's up next? *Suddenly, a hideous PINK thing comes out of the shadows!! (Gasp!!)*  
  
Relena: Has anyone seen Heero.  
  
Wufei: GET LOST ONNA!!  
  
Relena: Have you seen Heero?  
  
Grinning Reaper: *whispering to other pilots* I've figured out how to kill Relena!!  
  
Wufei: *grabs Grinning Reaper* Tell me now onna!  
  
Grinning Reaper: Hands off th' merchandise, Wu-kitten! You're Duo's man!!  
  
Duo & 'Wu-kitten': INJUSTICE!! _!!!  
  
Grinning Reaper: I know all...  
  
Trowa: ... _// (translation: as you were saying?)  
  
Grinning Reaper: Well, I saw this movie once... 'Gremlins' or what ever... anyway, Relena LOOKS a lot like one of those and like the gremlins, she won't frickin' DIE unless... we set her on fire. Yuppers. That's the way they killed off the toughest gremlin.  
  
Relena: Excuse me, I really must find out where Heero is.  
  
Trowa: ... *_// (translation: this chick has a one-track mind... how ever, she WOULD make a nice addition to our circus Freak Show.)  
  
*Relena mysteriously bursts into flames*  
  
Relena: AHHH! *Melts*  
  
Wufei: O.O;;;;; How... how did you DO that onna?  
  
Grinning Reaper: Call me onna one more time and I'll tell every one about that time you an' Duo ate chocolate frosting off each other! (Oops, I just did didn't I?)  
  
Quatre: MY VIRGIN EARS!!!!!!!!  
  
Duo: O.O;;;; I-I have to go now...  
  
Grinning Reaper: Oh and to answer your question, this is MY fic so I can make people spontaneously combust if I wanna! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Ha!) *Grabs Duo who's trying to escape* Don't leave yet D-chan~! You're song is next!!*  
  
  
  
Duo, the Happy Pilot (sung to the tune of 'Rudolph')  
  
  
  
Duo: You know Heero, and Wuffie, Trowa, and Quatre, and Zechs and Treize so question should catch ya, Noin, do you recall the most psychotic pilot of all?  
  
Quatre: Duo the happy pilot  
  
Duo: Pilot!  
  
Quatre: Had very long hair  
  
Wufei: *in monotone* Like Dorothy.  
  
Duo: And if you ever saw it  
  
Quatre: Saw it!  
  
Duo: It would really make you stare!  
  
Wufei: *monotone* Like a mental patient.  
  
Quatre: All of the other pilots  
  
Duo: Pilots!  
  
Quatre: Used to laugh and call him names  
  
Wufei: Like a sissy-wimpy-girly-man.  
  
Quatre: They never let poor Duo  
  
Duo: *wails dramatically* Ohhh! Poor me!  
  
Quatre: Join in any fun war games  
  
Wufei: *in monotone* Like uh... screw it!!!!  
  
Duo: Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Mrs. Noin came to say,  
  
Duo with your scythe so bright,  
  
Won't you kill Relena tonight!  
  
Quatre: Then how the pilots loved him!  
  
Duo: Loved him!  
  
Quatre: as they shouted out with glee (pause) *Quatre looks specifically at Wufei, putting more emphasis on the lyrics* as they shouted out with glee  
  
Wufei: *VERY unenthusiastically* Yaaaay...  
  
Quatre: Duo the happy pilot,  
  
Duo: Pilot!  
  
Quatre: You'll go down in history!!!  
  
Wufei: *speaking* There! Are you all happy?? I sang!!! I'm outta here!!  
  
Duo: Sorry Wuffers, but you have to sing next! (Wuffers??? Sometimes it's better not to ask!! O.O;;;)  
  
'Wuffers': NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
As it turns out, our Friend, Chang Wufei has a low tolerance for alcohol... o.O;;; (as sung to the turn of 'I Saw Mommy Kissin' Clause')  
  
  
  
*Enter our Justice loving Chinese friend here, standing on a tabletop, microphone in hand, and piss-assed drunk*  
  
Wufei: I saw Mish Noin kishin' Santa Clawss, un'ner the m'lisle toe las' night!  
  
Oh whatta laugh it woulda been had Millarno- Millarda- Milleno? Shechs?  
  
Or ish it Lightin' Bararon? *Shugs it off* Whut ever th' hell Peesecraft's callin himself now-a-days'd only sheen,  
  
Mish Noin kishin' Stanta Clause!! *Begins to do a strip tease to the music*  
  
Duo: O.O;;; *drool* (since Wufei's carol is over, he sings a new song)  
  
Wufei: *still stripping might I add-_-"*  
  
UPSHIDE, INSHIDE OUT!  
  
SHE'S LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA!  
  
SHE'LL PUSH AN' PYULL YOU DOWN!  
  
LIVIN' LAVIDA LOCA!  
  
HER LIPSH ARE DEVIL RED!  
  
AN' HER SHKIN ISH THE COLOR MOLCHA!  
  
SHE WILL WEAR YOU OUT!  
  
LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA!!  
  
*Here, Wufei is jumping all over the table 'shaking his bon-bon' (so to speak) ala Ricky Martin style*  
  
Quatre: Umm, Wufei, that isn't really a Christmas carol.  
  
Wufei: I know lil girl, but it'sh the (hic!) only one I know...  
  
Quatre: I'm a boy...  
  
Wufei: That'sh th' shpirit. [1]  
  
Grinning Reaper: You're drunk.  
  
Wufei: Whoshe dwunk?  
  
Trowa: ... -_// (translation: Screw drunk! He's completely wasted!)  
  
Wufei: Unng! I heel sick! I ink I dwank a lil' (BLARG!) *Here, Wufei promptly throws up on Heero's shoes*  
  
Heero: Ome o korso! I just bought these!  
  
Quatre: Grinning Reaper, what's that behind you back?  
  
Grinning Reaper: Nuttin'  
  
Trowa: .... _//;;; (translation: You call two empty bottles of Jack Daniels 'nuttin''??)  
  
Grinning Reaper: Well hell, it got him to sing didn't it??  
  
Wufei: Yerss! Ohh! (BLARG!!!)  
  
Heero: ...!!! I hope you know you're paying my dry cleaning bill.  
  
Duo: *slings Wufei over shoulder* C'mon! My car! *Skips off merrily with a hentai smile on his face*  
  
Trowa: .... O.// (translation: Oh. My. GAWD!!!! [2])  
  
Quatre: Now would be a good time to start my carol, ne?  
  
All: *minus Duo and Wufei who are probably screwing each other's brains out by now...O.O;;;* YES!!!  
  
A Pink Christmas: Quatre's carol (sung to the tune of 'White Christmas')  
  
  
  
  
  
Quatre: I'm dreamin' of a pink Christmas  
  
Just like the color shirt I wear,  
  
Where icicles glisten  
  
And I listen  
  
To the carols in the air.  
  
I'm dreamin' of a pink Christmas  
  
Like the bubble gum I chew  
  
Where icicles glisten  
  
And I listen  
  
To the carols with you.  
  
I'm dramin' of a pink Christmas  
  
Like cotton candy at the fair  
  
Where icicles glisten  
  
And I listen  
  
To the carols in the air  
  
So even if this song does stink...  
  
May all your Christmases be pink!  
  
Quatre: *speaking (or shouting rather)* WHO IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND CHOCLATE LIKE WROTE THIS??? THIS IS FUCKIN' TRASH!!!!  
  
Everyone sans Quatre: OoO;;;;;;  
  
Heero: Is it just me or did Quatre just swear??  
  
Grinning Reaper: Must be all that tea I let him have earlier.  
  
Trowa: Little One... exactly how much tea did you drink?  
  
Quatre: *giggling insanely* I had three glasses of Lipton Brisk Iced tea, then four cups of blueberry insanity the two of raspberry lemonade and then three more Lipton Brisk Iced Teas then I had five glasses of green tea...  
  
Heero: *To Grinning Reaper* Ome o koroso! You BAKA!!! Don't you know to NEVER let Quatre have green tea?? You remember that whole Wing Zero accident, right?  
  
Grinning Reaper: *nod, nod*  
  
Heero: Wing Zero wasn't actually to blame. He went loony because he had GREEN TEA!!!  
  
Quatre: Tee-hee-hee! *Goes into SD form and glomps Heero* I wuv yoo Hee- chan~!  
  
*Enter Duo and Wufei who has a hang over*  
  
Duo: Yo!! *Sees SD Quatre* Whoa, who let him have the green tea?? *Wufei tries to pet Quatre, who in turn tries to bite Wufei*  
  
Wufei: *Sob!*  
  
Duo: *whips out scythe and brandishes it at the chibi* YOU LITTLE PINK FUZZY PIECE OF-  
  
Trowa: Duo?  
  
Duo: Huh?  
  
Trowa: Your shirt is on backwards.  
  
Duo: I'm a kink, so sue me.  
  
Heero: Thanks. I will. As I recall, you were tryin' to kill Quatre...  
  
Duo: Well he tried to bite 'Fei!  
  
Wufei: *in a hushed whisper* I see weak people... [3]  
  
Quatre: I WANT POCKY~  
  
Grinning Reaper: Brat... *hands Quatre his pocky*  
  
Heero: What was that Death-girl?  
  
Grinning Reaper: Bring it Spandex boy!  
  
Heero: DON'T DISS THE SPANDEX!!  
  
Trowa: Can we do my song now?  
  
Duo: That might be a good idea...  
  
O HeavyArms (Sung as O Christmas tree)  
  
  
  
Trowa: O HeavyArms, O HeavyArms,  
  
How lovely are your missiles!  
  
O HeavyArms, O HeavyArms,  
  
How lovely are your missiles!  
  
Your shining chrome,  
  
Your beam cannon light  
  
So brightly light up space at night  
  
O HeavyArms, O HeavyArms,  
  
How lovely are your missiles!  
  
O HeavyArms, O HeavyArms,  
  
The Dolls they burn so brightly!  
  
O HeavyArms, O HeavyArms,  
  
The Dolls they burn so brightly!  
  
It's because you made them explode  
  
I'm having a system overload,  
  
O HeavyArms, O Heavy Arms!  
  
The Dolls they burn so brightly!  
  
Trowa: *Speaking* What did you guys think of that?  
  
Wufei: I think you need help.  
  
Grinning Reaper: Says the drunk guy!  
  
Wufei: I wasn't drunk, onna!  
  
Grinning Reaper: So you were callin' Duo yer 'Lil' wham-bam' for no reason, huh?  
  
Wifei: *blush* Injustice...  
  
Grinning Reaper: Yeah... that's what I thought...  
  
Heero: Oh, that reminds me. *Hands Wufei a box.*  
  
Wufei: A gift? What's this for? Oooh! Gross! It stinks!!  
  
Heero: *smirks* Yeah, those are my shoes you puked on. Merry Christmas pal.  
  
  
  
Well? Whaddaya think? Read and Review!! Puh-leese! Or I'll give Quatre six cups of green tea and send him to your house!!!!! (Green tea by the way is what started this whole fic!)  
  
[1] That whole Wufei/Quatre thing was from the Simpson's.  
  
[2] Trowa was imitating Janis (Chandler's GF from) 'Friends'  
  
[3] Does 'The Sixth Sense' ring a bell?? 


End file.
